Dubai 14 - Nick's Food Tour of the Middle East I

Part One: Buffets

If you had to classify Dubai cuisine, it would be hard. There are probably traditional desert-peoples dishes (roast camel on a bed of rice, sprinkled with sand), but given the modern and cosmopolitan nature of the place now, I’d say it’s actually the buffet. And the two greatest examples of buffets here are break-fast (intentional hyphen) buffets of Ramadan, and Friday Brunch.

Every Friday the big hotels, and some of the smaller ones, host brunch. This is a largely western expat affair and varies greatly depending on where you go. My first brunch was at the Dussit, last summer. This brunch is located on the top floor of the Dussit Dubai overlooking Sheik Zayed Road and the sea beyond. Unfortunately, when we went it was a hazy day and you couldn’t even see the street below. The food was good – a choice of three restaurants, covering pan-Asian, identi-kit continental buffet foods like a carvery, smoked salmon, etc, and breakfast (eggs, bacon, hash browns, etc). Champagne was free flowing.

This particular brunch then kicked onto Double Deckers, the Worst Pub In Dubai. This has a London Transport theme, so is overcrowded, overly loud, and full of (fat middle aged) English people drinking too much and dancing to the Worst Music In Dubai. Abba had its day, and that day was 30 years ago. Seriously, the DJ in this place was playing music older than me, and that, unfortunately, is often the norm. (I finally found a good place to go (Radisson in Media City) where they had a visiting DJ from Japan who played some seriously good music. This guy could beat-mix as fluidly as walking, whereas the analogy for the DJ at Double Deckers is more along the lines of one of those children of thalidomide trying to jump rope.) Anyway, Double Deckers also has a brunch which probably consists of bacon, eggs, baked beans, chip butties, Yorkshire pudding, and none of that foreign muck. All set in the beautiful smoky ambience of a nightclub.

Brunch Number Two was Al Qasr. At Dh300 a head, this features free flowing Bollinger, three restaurants (Spanish, seafood and identikit but with Lebanese ingredients as well). Fantastic place, fantastic food. I must go back. I love jamon and I love Morton Bay Bugs. And I’m rather fond of Bollinger, too…

Yalumba. I went with Sarah’s workmates. This is the same Yalumba as in the Australian wine label, and the food was consequently … Australian in a Rolf Harris kind of way: lot’s of sparkling confidence but no taste. At Dh350 this is easily the most ripped off I’ve felt in this town. Not only is it located on the wrong side of the Creek, but the music was too loud and plain shit. (Again, Abba is history.) And frankly, when I dine out, even if it is with a bunch of half-cut poms, I don’t want some drunken wanker from the next table falling onto me because she can’t dance and remain upright but they’re playing her favourite song which reminds her of losing her virginity behind the toilet block at Broadmeadows High when she was 15. Call me old fashioned, but in my book, no matter how drunk you are, you just don’t dance in a restaurant.

Why it’s called brunch it a bit of a mystery. They don’t start before 12:00 and they go until 4:00 or 5:00, at which point you’re most likely loaded and willing to kick onto a nearby bar. You’ll be so full you won’t want dinner, so really it should be called linner, or dunch. Anyway, a great way to spend a Friday arvo and anyone coming to visit us will be treated to a good one.