Christmas

Ah, the festive season. Over here it starts with Diwali, the Indian new year, followed by Eid, the Muslim remembrance of Abraham nearly killing his son, then Christmas, the old pagan midwinter festival hijacked by the Christians.

Perhaps because of the large number of westerners here, or perhaps because of it's inherent commercialism, Christmas seems to dominate in terms of decorations. Thankfully, the pretty colours and annoying music don't start in September as they do in the west (or just after Easter as they do in Australia), but they make up for that by going all in. Shops, and I mean all shops, torture their customers and hapless employees with looped tapes of really shit music. No wonder suicide rates are so high over Christmas. It's nothing to do with lonliness, it's all about the lamentable tunes.

Meanwhile, decorations are everywhere. And real decorations, too: Christmas trees, signs that say "Merry Christmas", and nativity scenes. Yes, in a Muslim country they have nativity scenes because (in Dubai at least), they are tolerant of other cultures. Compare this to the idiocy seen in the West where councils can't put up decorations, nativity scenes are banned, and you can only say "happy holidays" or "seasons greetings" lest you offend someone. Personally, I think the only people to ever get offended are the wet lefty do-gooder apologists who think they know what's best for others. I'm pretty sure all the Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, Animists, Jews, Pagans and Jedis living in countries like Australia or the UK or France accepts Christmas as part of the culture and don't get offended. Well I say, if you don't like it, get on a boat and leave. Then the Navy can do some target practice.

And here's another recent example. Sarah's school (run by a bunch of poms) put on a Christmas concert called "Winter Wonderland" (and not, oddly, "Taking the Christ out of Christmas"). This consisted of little kids singing Christmas songs, but not carols. (Santa Claus good, Three Wise Men bad. In fact, Sarah was nervous about one song as it referred to a Parson Brown, as that has religious connotations.)

Between songs individual kids would get up and tell the audience about Christmas in different parts of the world. The best part was the pommy kid: "the most important character... at Christmas time is Santa Claus." No jokes! It was all I could do not to shout out "what about Jesus?"

Once the kids were off the stage things got positively weird. Some guys dressed as snowmen, but resembling Santa's bovver boys - kind of a cross between A Clockwork Orange and Munch's The Scream - wandered onto stage and started to sing. Lucky the kids were gone or they'd have nightmares for years.

Back in the general population, though, there was one Christmas theme that didn't quite make sense: Wafi (a shopping centre) ran the following radio ads: "In the magical world of Narnia [mmm, ok], the lion awakes with a mighty roar [check]. In her castle, the Ice Queen knows she is defeated [check]. The woodland animals rejoice [check]. Children visit Santa in his secret grotto [WTF? Santa in a secret grotto? How does Santa figure in an alegorical story about the reincarnation of Christ?]..."

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Christmas itself was okay as far as that kind of thing goes. Sarah's parents were over so we went to the park with a picnic after calling home to speak to the family. I called during the present opening ceremony so everyone seemed keen to get off the phone and get back to it, but I managed to cover everyone, so that was good. I might go back next year, though...

Weird Sports

Deep Water Soloing


Step one: hire local fisherman to take you out to the cliffs off Dibba.

Step two: climb cliffs

Step three: jump

Awesome...

Unfortunately, we didn't take photos of the really good cliffs and climbing, but I'll be going back so stay tuned...

Meanwhile, the Rugby 7s are on again this weekend and this time it's warm and sunny. It's sold out, the rugby was good, beer cost Dh240 for 12 cans (around AU$60!!!) but everyone had a grand day out. Unfortunately, I didn't take a camera. So stiff, you'll just have to come and see it for yourself.

Culture Vulture

One criticism a lot of people level at the UAE is that it lacks culture. Today I'm going to demonstrate that that is not the case, as in the last month I have experienced many fine examples of a culture much more sophisticated than the beer drinking expat pasttimes most people indulge in.

First up, Sarah and I have started going to free classical music concerts. These are varied affairs, with the first one being a piano recital by Sonya Bach.

Now, with a name like that, you'd think you'd be on a winner, but unfortunately the South Korean miss Bach was, while technically proficient at hitting the keys, very heavy on the pedal and had such weird interpretations of well known pieces that I couldn't recognise them. That didn't bother the audience though, who clapped like madmen and wouldn't stop, so she wound up trotting out about six times and subjecting us to two encores! The gall of some people, really! I always thought an encore was something you were invited to do, not just a live version of a hidden track to give yourself more time on stage.

Our second concert was much better, especially because Sarah was playing in it. She's in the Dubai Philharmonic Orchestra, a grandly titled ensemble of professionals and amateurs who play for kicks. This time they were playing with the Australian Jazz Quartet, which implies a sense of government sponsorship, and these guys had arranged some Mozart peices with a jazz flavour. They called it Jazz Meets Mozart, and it was Jazz Meets Mozart in an Ali Meets Foreman kind of way, or perhaps it should have been called Jazz Waylays Mozart In A Dark Alley And Leaves His Battered Body Behind The Dumpster.

Again, there were some examples of unrecognisable classics, but there was a great latin interpretation of something famous whose name I can't remember, but the comic highlight was this Swiss guy who sang the bassoon part of the Bassoon Concerto. Now, if he'd sang it in a classical style, maybe it would've worked. But he sang in scat (doobie-doobie do wah). People in the audience were openly laughing at this poor bastard. I guess it's technically tricky to do it, but it really just didn't work.

Number three was a quartet from Hungary at another free concert. These guys were good, but I can't rember their name...

That's about it for culture. Next up: sport.