Seeking a change from my all-rice diet and feeling like splashing out, I headed down to the local Fat Bastard-eria, Missippi Slim's. This is a restaurant, presumably a chain, named after the owner, Slim. Slim was obviously named by an Australian (probably a red head called Bluey) and he features prominently throughout his establishment. There's the big, 4-foot wide life sized photo of him out on the street, and he shows up on every page of the menu: there's Slim heartily tucking into a plate of fat; Slim wiping the grease from his bearded maw; Slim counting a wad of ringit he just relieved you of for a very tasty, if not entirely healthy, meal.
Now, I hadn't eaten (western-style) ribs for some time. My first trip to America was the last time, in fact, and that was in 1982. I remember them being pretty fatty and not particularly satisfying. More the kind of dish Fijians would get excited about, rather than Jack Sprat here. But lamb ribs, I thought, might be different. Lamb chops are ribs, aren't they? Maybe they just name things differently.
Well, they were nice, and Slim's special barbeque sauces were pretty tasty, too. And I probably needed a bit of fat to help give me that shiny coat. But at the end of the day, you're paying for a plate of fat covered bones. (It's the American version of chicken's feet.) This just leaves you hungry, so you have to order more, (in my case, Mississippi Chocolate Mud Cake), and that probably has no nutritional value, either (in my case, absolutely not!)
On the other hand, Mississippi Slim's does give the chance to catch up on what's been happening on the country and western music scene for the past 40 years, and the fat was damned tasty. But if you go, get the burger. It has meat in it, is half the price, and will leave you practically incapacitated from over-eating.
The overall score, based on two visits, is 3/5. Definitely worth a look when you want to get bloated on western food and still have a sense, false or otherwise, of having done better by your body than if you'd gone to KFC.
No wonder Americans are so fat.
PS: Vegetarians needn't apply.
PART VII: A&W
Went to a fast food place in Kota Bharu (A&W), only because a mate was. Pretty standard hamburgers, but served with root beer. Who the hell divised this cruel and revolting substitute for a beverage? It's not beer, it's not refreshing, in fact it's not even possible to drink: it tastes like cough syrup for crying out loud. I once tried it in America the first time I went. When I was eight. Urgh.
A&W scores a measly 1/5: eat it if you must, and if you want something that tastes the same as Burger King or MacDonalds, but in smaller servings.
So now my list of forbidden foods/drinks is as follows:
1. Anything endangered (eg bear paws)
2. Anything still alive (eg monkey brains)
3. Sun-dried tomatoes
4. Durian (pending further experimentation)
5. Root beer
This ends my food tour of Asia for the time being as I'm back in Melbourne and really need to start doing some work. But now:
A DIFFERENT NOTE
On a different note, the lack of booze in Muslim Kelantan reminds me of the funniest thing I saw in Malaysia. Being so Islamic, all the women in Kelantan, and indeed in much of Malaysia, wear head scarves that hide all the hair. This makes it difficult, therefore, to sell certain items to the consumer. Such as shampoo.
Sunsilk, however, has a billboard campaign featuring a bottle of shampoo, a slice of lime, a bit of water and a smiling, scarf-headed woman. "My hair's so shiny and full of life with new Sunsilk. If you were my husband and we were in the privacy of our own home, I'd show you. But check out these eyebrows. Aren't they something?"
Its probably the same advertising people who do the bank and tampon ads.
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