UK 10. Some shallow and offensive remarks

Paris. I'd forgotten how much I like it. Maybe it was the unseasonably warm weather, maybe it's the elegant architecture, maybe its the food.

Nah. I've been in all seasons, the architecture is all the same and so gets boring quickly and the food seems to consist of steak, steak, steak or veal. What I love about Paris is the women. They're better looking and better dressed than Spanish girls, although some Spanish women make you want to weep and give thanks to God for giving you eyes. Spanish men are probably better looking than the French, but that really doesn't say much at all. Both sexes of both countries are better looking than the English (curse my heritage). Again, that doesn't really say too much, either.

(Today, back in England, I saw what I've been joking about these past eight months: a baby with a big eye in the middle of its forehead. It hadn't fully developed but it was dead centre, was eye shaped, and stuck out about a centimetre from the forehead. No mole is ever that big, and everyday bumps don't form that shape. That kid was clearly the result of frucking.)

There are no fat chicks in Paris (or Marseilles, from memory) and no tracksuits, either. (My cousin who lives there confrims this.) But in Spain I daresay decades of chav* English tourism has left its mark in the form of sportswear, cheap gold and cheaper heaircuts. The mullet may not have been invented in Spain but it definitely has a solid foothold here. Oddly, they don't have a word for it.

What the Spanish lack in style they make up for in food. It's a mystery they'll not all bloaters. Sure I've only seen one corner of the country and didn't exactly indulge in Burgos (I went into a classy restaurant there with every indulgent intention, but couldn't find any staff. Talk about laid back). I definitely prefer it to the French, but that may just be because I only ate at Parisian boulangeries where the choice was limited.

Finally, give me French language any day over Spanish, but give me Spanish friendliness any day over French.


*A "chav", I learnt yesterday, is the sort of bloke who wears sportswear and white trainers, cheap gold, cheap aftershave and gels his fringe. The nav girl pulls her hair back and is often seen, in these parts anyway, pushing an infant approximately 12 to 15 years younger than her. Both sexes bear facial resemblances to weasels. The term "pikey" has apparently spread beyond gypsies to include people who eat discount burgers and oven cooked chips and watch TV all day. They drive cheap cars with alloy wheels. A "bogan" or "Bevan", really. This starts to cross into "Kev" territory, which is essentially the "rice boy" seen in Australia or the US: ie, kitted-up cars that are probably just heavier and slower, but sound faster and have bigger stereos.